I think that every generation has certain milestone events by which it defines itself – the declaration of a war, perhaps, or the death of a famous person. For the generation before mine, things like John Lennon being shot and Elvis dying fall into this category and, for the generation before that, JFK’s assassination. For my generation there are two events that really stand out: Princess Diana’s death; and the attack on the World Trade Center. And we all remember exactly where we were when we got the news.
When I heard about Princess Diana’s death I was in a taxi, travelling home from Brixton to Parson’s Green with my flatmates after a big night of clubbing. It must have been 5am and the news was still just breaking. We didn’t go to bed when we got home; we stayed awake all day and followed the updates.
I was in New Zealand in September 2001, visiting my little sister and her husband. I woke up that morning and Victoria told me straight away, and – again – we watched the news all day.
Now, today, there’s a new event that will define life in 2011: Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from Kris Humphries, after only 72 days of marriage.
I know, I know. It’s really shocking news. I heard it this morning, while I was brushing my teeth: Tristan heard it on the news and (knowing my deep love of the Kardashians) came to the bathroom to tell me.
Let’s just take a moment to remind ourselves about how happy they were, just a few weeks ago:
Oh – I’m sorry, that’s not the right photo. Try this one:
If those two crazy kids can’t make it work – after a 16.5 carat engagement ring, $20m wedding, a four-hour E! Entertainment wedding special, Kim totally ignoring Kris’s every wish when planning the wedding, Kim and her mother booking a venue for the event without Kris H even getting to see it, Kris Jenner totally forgetting to organise any wedding transport for Kris H’s family, Khloe and Kris H hating each other with the burning fire of a thousand suns, people being disinvited from the wedding at the last minute because of capacity issues, and the entire Kardashian family of women wearing Vera Wang frocks – well… I don’t have any faith in romance anymore.
My world has been rocked and it’s going to take me a while to come to terms with this news. These guys created their own unique scented candles for their wedding, for goodness sake! How could it possibly go wrong?
Seriously, now: 72 flipping days?! That’s just hilarious. I’m trying to remember what Tristan and I were doing 72 days after our wedding day – I think we were buying our first flat. Of course, we didn’t have photographers tracking our every move, and my entire family didn’t hate Tristan, and I didn’t have to organise a wedding to a man who wanted my ring brought down the aisle on the back of his dog, and I didn’t marry a man who spent the build-up to our wedding complaining about me to everybody I know. These are the things that can drive a wedge into a relationship. However, Kim had the ongoing benefit of Bruce Jenner and his perennial wisdom to support her and I didn’t have that. It’s swings and roundabouts.
I’m watching some of the Kim and Kris Weddingpalooza on E! right now and it’s quite incredible that these two halfwits made it up the aisle in the first place. Kim is totally dead behind the eyes and every emotion she expresses looks like something she’s been told to do by a director – I picture somebody just behind the camera, holding up a ‘KIM! SMILE NOW!’ sign at crucial moments. And Kris Humphries is a big fool of a manchild and looks a bit simple. Check it:
How does anybody look at this guy and think about sexy times? He looks a bit ‘special needs’. And can you believe the amount of makeup Kim Kardashian wears? She’s a very pretty woman and she really doesn’t need all that slap [/grandma].
Anyway, the only silver lining of this sad affair is the knowledge that Kim’s divorce heartbreak will provide endless material for the next series of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.